When does one grow up? I know growing up is a continuous process, but there must be a time, a moment in one's life when one crosses the invisible line between childhood and adulthood. I do not know the general answer, just like most of the important questions of my life. But I think I know at which point, I, personally crossed that line of no return.
It was on a sleepless night three years ago.
I did not realize it then, but the more I remember of that time, the surer I become. I didn't grow a beard all of a sudden that night, neither did I wisen up considerably. I just stepped out of childhood, unceremoniously, and unknowingly.
But I do not complain of losing the carefree life. I had my fair share of fun. My childhood was prolonged....lasting almost 20 years, starting with the beginning, the birth.
I was in my college third year when my father retired from work. He was never a cautious money-savor. He spent most of his earnings for the comfort and happiness of his near and dear ones, namely us. But he had still enough left in the banks for a confortable retirement. I still had one year to go in college before I could start earning. The pressure started building on me from that moment. Though it did not affect me that much at that time. To me, the world was still a happy place, with people around me to take care of me.
Then my father was diagnosed with a problem in his spinal chord, which required immediate surgery. We consulted doctors and made the preperations. The cost was estimated at 1.5 lakhs of rupees. Pretty hard, but not undoable. My brother was there to help too. So, there were no big problems in sight. The operation itself was complex, and lasted 7 hours. A titanium cage was inserted into my father's spinal cord to strenghten it. The doctor told us it would take about three months for him to walk normally again.
The first few days after the operation were tough. He could not move a finger and needed help all the time. The nurses of the nursing home were helpful, and took care of everything. But they required that someone of the family should stay with my father for the nights, as long as he was in the nursing home. My uncles and relatives took part in it, a friend of my father stayed back one night. I, too, spent a few nights. But since I had my college going on, I could not stay back every night. However I usually did every alternate night. It was in one of those nights that I grew up.
The day was not different from other days. I went to college and from there went to the nursing home. I was prepared to spend the night, I was even provided a bed by the authorities. However, I never slept in it, and usually spent the nights sitting on the bedside chair. The visiting hour over, the people departed. I was eventually left alone with my father on the bed. Night descended, the lights went off. I was on the chair as usual, and dozzed off for a bit. But a chair is an uncomfortable place to sleep and I soon woke up, with a slight pain in my neck. I stood and stretched. My father was sleeping, not exactly like a baby, but sleeping nevertheless. For the past few nights, he got almost no sleep, due to coughing and the general discomfort. I was glad to see he finally managed to get some. I walked towards the window that occupied almost one full side of the room and looked out. The nursing home was placed right beside the Eastern Metropolitan bypass and we were on the 5th floor. From the airconditioned room I looked out through the window. It was dark outside, more profoundly felt since none of the sounds from outside penetrated into the room. It was silent except for the troubled breathing of my father, the soft noise from the monitoring instruments and the slight whirr of the air conditioning. The city was not asleep though. An endless streams of car headlights were flowing in the distant bypass that lay 5 stories below us. Cars, trucks and overnight buses moving along at great speed, and absolutely silently. Though the world seemed to have stopped for me, it has not for the rest. Outside life was in full swing.
I kept looking at the silent stream of lights, not partucularly thinking of anything and then looked at my father. And I was suddenly aware of the world. I suddenly felt vulnerable. It was as if I, for the first time in my life, truly felt the world around me. All my life, I was under a shield, a shield formed by my parents, my relatives, my friends. And suddenly, at that moment, the shield dissappeared, there was no one. I felt alone and strange, felt helpless and foreign. There was my father, lying in the bed beside me, and for the first time in my life, it is ME who is taking care of him. It seemed so out-of-order, so frightening! And in retrospect, I now think that it was at that precise moment that I finally grew up. My childhood was gone, along with the shield. I faced the world alone, for the first time. I recoiled in fear, but only for a few moments. Like billions of human before me and billions to come after me, I got over it. I faced it, like everyone does...sooner or later.
Responsibility is the key word I believe. It is what separates men from boys. Childhood and responsibility are mutually exclusive. With the appearance of the later, the former disappears forever. But there's no point crying over it, brooding and sulking. Thats how it works, thats the rule.
And there ends my boring story of self discovery and you may rest now. I'm sure your eyes are tired from reading all this nonsense, so go ahead and take a break. Look at some some pictures ;), while you're at it!
Just for the really curious and serious type, here's some info. The doctors were wrong. The cost of the operation and post operative care went up to 6.5 lakhs in the first year after the operation, completely depleting my fathers saved funds. My desperation for getting a job reached a point where I could not wait for my final exams to end. Its been three years now. My father still can't walk without support (the doctors were wrong again!), the medicines continue, the physiotherapy continues (I do not keep track of the spending any more. Money is no more a major concern for me, God has provided me with a job which provided me with that luxury). He gets severe depressions from time and again (I think I would too if I was unable to walk without support for three years), yet we survived. We go on.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Thunder 2.0
The busy week came to an end. Not the best week I've faced, but not the worst either. I guess I can't really complain, mostly because there's no one to complain to. The day ended with promise of worse days in near future....had seven more days till deadline, I was nowhere near completion of my project. I think they call it 'deadline' on purpose, cross the line, and you wish you were dead.
Saturday came finally. People everywhere felt relief from work, a short one, but a welcomed one nevertheless. For two short days they get to forget the pressure, the work, and concentrate on relaxing.
Not me.
As I opened my eyes on the Saturday morning, I immediately remembered that I have to go to office today too.
The only good news was that the day looked cloudy and the scorching sun was missing. At least I would not have to sweat like a pig when I go to office. But at that point I didn't realize that it was just the beginning of the storm.....literally!
Things were moving pretty smoothly from morning...Got the bus without waiting too much, got a seat without waiting too much. The weather was cloudy, the wind was strong, smell of rain drifting in from the open window. It started just after crossing Ruby. The sky was dark to begin with, now it became black. The wind became erratic. Every now and then there were flashes of lightning across the sky. The rain started slowly...big, fat rain. It grew in an exponential curve. Within minutes every window of the bus were closed shut, the rain rattled against them.
Reminded me of a similar day when I was trapped behind a glass cage and could only watch.
When the bus reached my stop, it was raining cats and dogs, water clogged here and there, people standing crowded under shades, umbrella over a lucky few, nothing but the disintegrating sky over the unlucky rest.
I hurriedly took out my umbrella and descended into the water curtain. I was going to open the umbrella when suddenly a strange feeling of rebellion woke somewhere deep inside. I remained at the spot, transfixed, the unopened umbrella in my hand. The initial panic of the thought of getting drenched subsided. A calmness took over. Its hard to explain. Its as if my soul has two distinct parts. One is a lower one, it panics on face of trouble, it cringes in front of fear, it becomes cautious facing unknown. It tries to flee, it tries to hide, it tries to avoid whenever it detects trouble. It is the part of the soul that drives the body, its the part of soul that almost always plays a major part in my life. However, there is another part...a higher one, one which is calmer, stronger, courageous, more powerful. It just sits still and watches over the lower soul. It only steps up when it feels like, when it thinks that the lower part is not going to handle the situation. It wakes up inside without alarm, without notifying, and it just takes complete control, in an instant. The lower soul just disappers in front of it. I don't know what exactly wakes it up, maybe I'll never know. But I've felt its sudden presence before many times, in hard times, I'm sure I'll feel it again in future. This moment was one such awakening.
I no longer cared about the rain, I didn't care whether my mobile will short circuit, I didn't care whether I'll catch cold, I didn't care whether my books will get wet. I just didn't care anymore. I was not me anymore.
I walked through the rain, drenched from head to toe, still holding the unopened umbrella in my hand. I know that getting drenched in rain is not exactly a very big deal, but somehow that small act of rebellion against nature made me feel liberated. Free.
I was no longer a manequin in the hand of fources I can't control, I was suddenly a living thing with its own mind. I can do whatever I choose. I can brake rules, I can disapprove conventions, I can look up into the oncoming thunder and say "F*ck you!".
Finally.
The rain was still falling very heavily, but it was no longer dancing all around me in victory, it was just falling apart, defeated. With all its might, with all its lightnings, with all its thunder, will all its shouts, it couldn't make me run.
Revenge was mine.
Saturday came finally. People everywhere felt relief from work, a short one, but a welcomed one nevertheless. For two short days they get to forget the pressure, the work, and concentrate on relaxing.
Not me.
As I opened my eyes on the Saturday morning, I immediately remembered that I have to go to office today too.
The only good news was that the day looked cloudy and the scorching sun was missing. At least I would not have to sweat like a pig when I go to office. But at that point I didn't realize that it was just the beginning of the storm.....literally!
Things were moving pretty smoothly from morning...Got the bus without waiting too much, got a seat without waiting too much. The weather was cloudy, the wind was strong, smell of rain drifting in from the open window. It started just after crossing Ruby. The sky was dark to begin with, now it became black. The wind became erratic. Every now and then there were flashes of lightning across the sky. The rain started slowly...big, fat rain. It grew in an exponential curve. Within minutes every window of the bus were closed shut, the rain rattled against them.
Reminded me of a similar day when I was trapped behind a glass cage and could only watch.
When the bus reached my stop, it was raining cats and dogs, water clogged here and there, people standing crowded under shades, umbrella over a lucky few, nothing but the disintegrating sky over the unlucky rest.
I hurriedly took out my umbrella and descended into the water curtain. I was going to open the umbrella when suddenly a strange feeling of rebellion woke somewhere deep inside. I remained at the spot, transfixed, the unopened umbrella in my hand. The initial panic of the thought of getting drenched subsided. A calmness took over. Its hard to explain. Its as if my soul has two distinct parts. One is a lower one, it panics on face of trouble, it cringes in front of fear, it becomes cautious facing unknown. It tries to flee, it tries to hide, it tries to avoid whenever it detects trouble. It is the part of the soul that drives the body, its the part of soul that almost always plays a major part in my life. However, there is another part...a higher one, one which is calmer, stronger, courageous, more powerful. It just sits still and watches over the lower soul. It only steps up when it feels like, when it thinks that the lower part is not going to handle the situation. It wakes up inside without alarm, without notifying, and it just takes complete control, in an instant. The lower soul just disappers in front of it. I don't know what exactly wakes it up, maybe I'll never know. But I've felt its sudden presence before many times, in hard times, I'm sure I'll feel it again in future. This moment was one such awakening.
I no longer cared about the rain, I didn't care whether my mobile will short circuit, I didn't care whether I'll catch cold, I didn't care whether my books will get wet. I just didn't care anymore. I was not me anymore.
I walked through the rain, drenched from head to toe, still holding the unopened umbrella in my hand. I know that getting drenched in rain is not exactly a very big deal, but somehow that small act of rebellion against nature made me feel liberated. Free.
I was no longer a manequin in the hand of fources I can't control, I was suddenly a living thing with its own mind. I can do whatever I choose. I can brake rules, I can disapprove conventions, I can look up into the oncoming thunder and say "F*ck you!".
Finally.
The rain was still falling very heavily, but it was no longer dancing all around me in victory, it was just falling apart, defeated. With all its might, with all its lightnings, with all its thunder, will all its shouts, it couldn't make me run.
Revenge was mine.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Thunder
A tuesday afternoon. Sitting in front of my office machine, with Deep Purple ("Fire in the Basement") pounding in my ears, I look out the window. Outside the world has dressed itself up for war. High winds ruffling the leaves, making the tall trees bend, begging for mercy. The sky has painted itself in dark grey war paint. Swishing its lightning sword from every direction, peircing the sky every now and then. The world has no sympathy today....its out to kill. Those unfortunate enough to stand in the path of the storm today will be blown over.
Safe inside the glass building of security, I looked at the wild world outside. The streets are deserted, not even the dogs are courageus enough to stray out. People hiding everywhere...that's what we do...we hide whenever there's trouble.
And then the sky broke down.
Rains came down like it was determined to end all creation today. It came down hard, lashing at everything, clawing at the smooth exterior of the tall skyscrapers, proud and stupid enough to stand against its might. The world vanished, engulfed in the opaque curtain of the rain. The sky swished its sword more and more, blinding light and thundering sound. A glass window breaks somewhere....first blood.
The lights inside the room were lit. People drank more coffee than usual. I stood at the window, transfixed. The rain kept pounding 5 inches in front of my face, on the other side of the glass. It was taunting me...pushing me..."Come out you wimp and face me if you have the guts", it shouted. I kept looking, couldn't move, couldn't even blink. I was mesmerized....and I began to wish I was out there...with the rain, facing the storm. I wanted to look up at the murderous sky and shout back "F**k you!"
But I couldn't....of course I couldn't. My mobile would get wet. My moneybag will get soaked. I'll be drenched, how can I get back in office in that state? I'll catch cold, I can't afford to take sick leave now, my project deadline is close.
I turned away from the window, defeated. The rain outside laughed hysterically. It kept shouting "LOSER! LOSER!" I shut my eyes in a desperate attempt to shut out the sound. But it kept going...pounding my skull harder and harder. I took it all in, like I do always, too cowardly to retaliate, too afraid to stand up.
I come back to my chair, turned towards my machine once more....I've coding to do. Codes that will run into thousands bugs, codes I'll debug sitting up all night, codes my company is going to sell to the client, codes the client will incorporate in its router so that it runs better and smoother, so that some teenager kid somewhere in his dark room can see porn more easily.
I start typing, not seeing what I'm writing clearly. "F**k you!", I said.....to myself.
Outside the rain danced.
Safe inside the glass building of security, I looked at the wild world outside. The streets are deserted, not even the dogs are courageus enough to stray out. People hiding everywhere...that's what we do...we hide whenever there's trouble.
And then the sky broke down.
Rains came down like it was determined to end all creation today. It came down hard, lashing at everything, clawing at the smooth exterior of the tall skyscrapers, proud and stupid enough to stand against its might. The world vanished, engulfed in the opaque curtain of the rain. The sky swished its sword more and more, blinding light and thundering sound. A glass window breaks somewhere....first blood.
The lights inside the room were lit. People drank more coffee than usual. I stood at the window, transfixed. The rain kept pounding 5 inches in front of my face, on the other side of the glass. It was taunting me...pushing me..."Come out you wimp and face me if you have the guts", it shouted. I kept looking, couldn't move, couldn't even blink. I was mesmerized....and I began to wish I was out there...with the rain, facing the storm. I wanted to look up at the murderous sky and shout back "F**k you!"
But I couldn't....of course I couldn't. My mobile would get wet. My moneybag will get soaked. I'll be drenched, how can I get back in office in that state? I'll catch cold, I can't afford to take sick leave now, my project deadline is close.
I turned away from the window, defeated. The rain outside laughed hysterically. It kept shouting "LOSER! LOSER!" I shut my eyes in a desperate attempt to shut out the sound. But it kept going...pounding my skull harder and harder. I took it all in, like I do always, too cowardly to retaliate, too afraid to stand up.
I come back to my chair, turned towards my machine once more....I've coding to do. Codes that will run into thousands bugs, codes I'll debug sitting up all night, codes my company is going to sell to the client, codes the client will incorporate in its router so that it runs better and smoother, so that some teenager kid somewhere in his dark room can see porn more easily.
I start typing, not seeing what I'm writing clearly. "F**k you!", I said.....to myself.
Outside the rain danced.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Bibhutibhushan
The works of Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay affected me more than any other authors. Something about his writings touched my heart and molded it. I would grow up to be a different person if I was never introduced to his "Chander Pahar". It was the starting point into the mesmerizing world of Bibhutibhushan for me. Till then his works has taken a hold on me. Given below are only few of his passages from different books....they never seem to lose their charms.
Chander Pahar
=============
"Bidaye Alvarez bondhu!....Shwadesh-e phire jaoar ei anonder muhurte tomar kothhai aaj mone hochche. Tumi sei doler manush, sara aakash jader ghorer chhad, sara prithibi jader paye cholar poth -- aashirbaad koro tomar moharonyer nirjon shomadhi theke, jano tomar moto hotey pari jibone, omoni shukh-dukkhe nispriho, omoni nirbhik.
Bidaye bondhu Attilio Gatti. Onek jonmer bondhu chhile tumi.
Tomra shobai miley shikhiyechho Chin deshe procholito sei prachin chhoratir shotyota-- Chhader aalsher dibbi chourosh ekkhani tali hoye onor obosthhaye shukhe-shochchonde thhakar cheye sfotik pathor hoye bhenge jaoao bhalo, bhenge jaoao bhalo, bhenge jaoao bhalo."
Pother Panchali
===============
"Oi jekhane aakasher tole aasharu-durgapur-er bandha shoroker gachher shari kromosho dur hoite dure giya poritechhe, or-i odike jekhane tahader gaa-er poth bakiya aashiya Shonadanga mather modhye uthiyachhe, shekhane pother thik sei mor-tite, graamer praanter buro jamtola-taye tahar didi jano mlanmukhe daraiya tahader railgarir dikey chahiya aache!....
Tahake keu loiya aashe nai, shobai feliya aashiyachhe, didi mara geleo dujoner khela korar potheghate, bashbone, aamtolaye se didike jano etodin kachhe kachhe paiyachhe, didir odrishyo sneho-sporsho chhilo Nischindipur-er bhanga kothabarir proti griho-kone -- aaj kintu shotyo-shotyoi didir shohit tahar chirokaler chharachhari hoiya galo !....
Tahar jano mone hoy didike aar keho bhalobashito na, maa noy, keu noy! Keho tahake chhariya aashite dukhito noy.
Hothath Apur mon ek bichitro onubhutite bhoriya galo. Taha dukkho noy, shok noy, biroho noy, taha ki se jane na. Koto ki mone aashilo olpo ek muhurter modhye ... Atoori daini ... nodir ghat ... tahader kothabarita, ... chalte-tolar poth ... Ranudi ... Koto boikal, koto dupur ... kotodiner koto haashikhela ... Potu ... didir mukh ... didir koto na-meta shaadh ....
Didi akhono ekdrishte chahiya aache ---
Porokkhonei tahar moner modhyer obak bhasha chokher jol-e atyoprokash koriya jano ei kothai baar baar bolite chahilo -- aami chaini didi, aami toke bhulini, ichche kore feleo aashini -- ora aamaye niye jachche.
Shotyoi se bhule nai.
Uttorjibone nilkuntola sagormekhola dhoronir shonge tahar khub ghonishtho porichoy ghotiyachhilo. Kintu jokhoni gotir puloke tahar sara deho shihoriya uthite thakito, shomudrogaami jahajer deck hoite proti muhurte nil aakasher nobo nobo mayaroop chokhe porito, hoyto drakkha-kunjo-beshtito kon nil porbotshanu shomudrer bilin chokrobaal shimaye dur hoite dure khin hoiya porito, durer osposhto aabchhaya-dekhite-paoa belabhumi ek protibhashali sursroshtar protibhar daaner moto mohamodhur kuhok-er srishti korito tahar bhabmoy mone -- tokhoni, ei shob shomoyei, tahar mone porito ek ghonoborshar raate, obisranto brishtir shobder modhye ek purano kothar ondhokaar ghore, rogshojyagrostho ek paragaayer gorib ghorer meyer kotha --
-- Apu, sere uthle aamaye ekdin railgari dekhabi?
Majherpara station-er distant signal-khana dekhite dekhite kotodure osposhto hoite hoite sheshe milaiya galo."
Pother Panchali
===============
"Oi aastaboler mathaye je aakashta, ori opare purbodike bohudure tahader Nischindipur.
Aaj kotodin se Nischindipur dakhe nai -- t-i-n botshor! Kotokaal!
Se jane, Nischindipur tahake dine-raate shob shomoy daake, Shankharipukur daak daye, bashbonta daak daye, Sonadanga math daak daye, Kodomtolar shayeber ghaat daak daye, Debi Bishalakkhi daak dan.
Poro vitar mishto lebu fuler gondhe shojnetolar chhayaye chhayaye aabar kobe gotibidhi? Aabar kobe tahader barir dharer shirish shondali bone pakhir daak?
Etodine tahader sekhane Ichhamotite borshar dhol namiyachhe. Ghater potha shimul tolaye jol uthiyachhe. Jhope jhope nata-kata, bonkolmir ful dhoriyachhe. Bon oporajitar nil fule boner matha chhaoa.
Tahader graamer ghat-tate kuch-jhoper pashe Rajukaka hoyto etokkhone tahar obhyeshmoto obelaye snan korite namiyachhe, chalte-pokar bake notun koshar boner dhare dhare Akrur majhi machh dhoribar doari patiyachhe, aaj shekhankar haat-baar, thakurjhi-pukurer sei botgachhtar pichhone digonte kono ranga aaguner fenar moto surjyo osto jaitechhe, aar tahar-i tolakar methopoth bahiya gramer chhele Potu, Nilu, Tinu, Bhola shob haat koriya firitechhe.
Etokkhone tader bone-ghera barir uthan-tate ghono chhaya poriya ashitechhe, kich kich koriya pakhi daakitechhe, sei mishto nishyobdo shanto boikaal -- sei holde pakhita aajo aashiya pachiler uporer konchir daal-tate sei rokom boshe, maayer haate pota lebucharatate hoyto etodin lebu folitechhe......
Aaro kichhukkhon pore tahader se vitaye shondhyer ondhokaar hoiya jaibe, kintu se shondhaye keho saanj jhalibe na, prodip dekhaibe na, roopkotha bolibe na. Jonohin vitar uthan-bhora kaalmegher jongole jhijhi poka daakibe, gobhir raatre pichhoner ghono bone jogdumurer gachhe lokkhipechar rob shona jaibe...keho konodin sedik maraibe na, gobhir jongole chapa-pora maayer se lebugachhtar shondhan keho konodin janibe na, or-kolmir ful futiya aapna-aapni jhoriya poribe, kul nona mithyai pakibe, holde-dana tero pakhita kandiya kandiya phiribe.
Boner dhare se opurbo mayamoy boikaalguli michhamichhi-i namibe chirodin.
Obela ek uthan loker shommukhe bina-bichare maar khaiao tahar chokh diya ek phota jol bahir hoy nai, kintu akhon nirjon ghorer janlata-te eka eka daraiya hothath se kandiya aakul hoilo, uchchhoshito chokher jol jhor-jhor koriya poriya tahar shundor kopol bhashaiya ditei chokh muchhite haat uthaiya aakul shure mone mone bolilo -- Aamader jano Nischindipur fera hoy--bhogobaan--tumi ei koro, thik jano Nischindipur jaoa hoy--noile bachbo na--paye pori tomar--
Pother debota proshonno hashiye bolen -- Murkho balok, poth to aamar shesh hoyni tomader graamer basher bone, thangare Biru Rayer bot-tolaye ki Dholchiter kheyaghater shimanaye? Tomader Shonadanga math chhariye, Ichhamoti paar hoye, podmofule bhora Modhukhali biler pash katiye, Betrobotir kheyaye pari diye, poth aamar chole galo saamne, saamne, shudhui saamne... desh chhere bidesher dike, shurjyodoy chhere shurjaster dike, janar gondi eriye oporichoyer uddeshye....
Din raatri paar hoye, jonmo moron paar hoye, maash, borsho, monnontor, mohajug paar hoye chole jaye....tomader jibon-shopno sheola-chhatar dole bhore aashe, poth aamar tokhono furoye na... chole...chole...chole... egiyei chole...
Anirban taar bina shone shudhu ananta kaal aar ananta aakash..
Se pother bichitro aanondo-jatrar odrishyo tilok tomar lolate poriyei to tomaye ghorchhara kore enechhi!...
Cholo egiye jai."
Chander Pahar
=============
"Bidaye Alvarez bondhu!....Shwadesh-e phire jaoar ei anonder muhurte tomar kothhai aaj mone hochche. Tumi sei doler manush, sara aakash jader ghorer chhad, sara prithibi jader paye cholar poth -- aashirbaad koro tomar moharonyer nirjon shomadhi theke, jano tomar moto hotey pari jibone, omoni shukh-dukkhe nispriho, omoni nirbhik.
Bidaye bondhu Attilio Gatti. Onek jonmer bondhu chhile tumi.
Tomra shobai miley shikhiyechho Chin deshe procholito sei prachin chhoratir shotyota-- Chhader aalsher dibbi chourosh ekkhani tali hoye onor obosthhaye shukhe-shochchonde thhakar cheye sfotik pathor hoye bhenge jaoao bhalo, bhenge jaoao bhalo, bhenge jaoao bhalo."
Pother Panchali
===============
"Oi jekhane aakasher tole aasharu-durgapur-er bandha shoroker gachher shari kromosho dur hoite dure giya poritechhe, or-i odike jekhane tahader gaa-er poth bakiya aashiya Shonadanga mather modhye uthiyachhe, shekhane pother thik sei mor-tite, graamer praanter buro jamtola-taye tahar didi jano mlanmukhe daraiya tahader railgarir dikey chahiya aache!....
Tahake keu loiya aashe nai, shobai feliya aashiyachhe, didi mara geleo dujoner khela korar potheghate, bashbone, aamtolaye se didike jano etodin kachhe kachhe paiyachhe, didir odrishyo sneho-sporsho chhilo Nischindipur-er bhanga kothabarir proti griho-kone -- aaj kintu shotyo-shotyoi didir shohit tahar chirokaler chharachhari hoiya galo !....
Tahar jano mone hoy didike aar keho bhalobashito na, maa noy, keu noy! Keho tahake chhariya aashite dukhito noy.
Hothath Apur mon ek bichitro onubhutite bhoriya galo. Taha dukkho noy, shok noy, biroho noy, taha ki se jane na. Koto ki mone aashilo olpo ek muhurter modhye ... Atoori daini ... nodir ghat ... tahader kothabarita, ... chalte-tolar poth ... Ranudi ... Koto boikal, koto dupur ... kotodiner koto haashikhela ... Potu ... didir mukh ... didir koto na-meta shaadh ....
Didi akhono ekdrishte chahiya aache ---
Porokkhonei tahar moner modhyer obak bhasha chokher jol-e atyoprokash koriya jano ei kothai baar baar bolite chahilo -- aami chaini didi, aami toke bhulini, ichche kore feleo aashini -- ora aamaye niye jachche.
Shotyoi se bhule nai.
Uttorjibone nilkuntola sagormekhola dhoronir shonge tahar khub ghonishtho porichoy ghotiyachhilo. Kintu jokhoni gotir puloke tahar sara deho shihoriya uthite thakito, shomudrogaami jahajer deck hoite proti muhurte nil aakasher nobo nobo mayaroop chokhe porito, hoyto drakkha-kunjo-beshtito kon nil porbotshanu shomudrer bilin chokrobaal shimaye dur hoite dure khin hoiya porito, durer osposhto aabchhaya-dekhite-paoa belabhumi ek protibhashali sursroshtar protibhar daaner moto mohamodhur kuhok-er srishti korito tahar bhabmoy mone -- tokhoni, ei shob shomoyei, tahar mone porito ek ghonoborshar raate, obisranto brishtir shobder modhye ek purano kothar ondhokaar ghore, rogshojyagrostho ek paragaayer gorib ghorer meyer kotha --
-- Apu, sere uthle aamaye ekdin railgari dekhabi?
Majherpara station-er distant signal-khana dekhite dekhite kotodure osposhto hoite hoite sheshe milaiya galo."
Pother Panchali
===============
"Oi aastaboler mathaye je aakashta, ori opare purbodike bohudure tahader Nischindipur.
Aaj kotodin se Nischindipur dakhe nai -- t-i-n botshor! Kotokaal!
Se jane, Nischindipur tahake dine-raate shob shomoy daake, Shankharipukur daak daye, bashbonta daak daye, Sonadanga math daak daye, Kodomtolar shayeber ghaat daak daye, Debi Bishalakkhi daak dan.
Poro vitar mishto lebu fuler gondhe shojnetolar chhayaye chhayaye aabar kobe gotibidhi? Aabar kobe tahader barir dharer shirish shondali bone pakhir daak?
Etodine tahader sekhane Ichhamotite borshar dhol namiyachhe. Ghater potha shimul tolaye jol uthiyachhe. Jhope jhope nata-kata, bonkolmir ful dhoriyachhe. Bon oporajitar nil fule boner matha chhaoa.
Tahader graamer ghat-tate kuch-jhoper pashe Rajukaka hoyto etokkhone tahar obhyeshmoto obelaye snan korite namiyachhe, chalte-pokar bake notun koshar boner dhare dhare Akrur majhi machh dhoribar doari patiyachhe, aaj shekhankar haat-baar, thakurjhi-pukurer sei botgachhtar pichhone digonte kono ranga aaguner fenar moto surjyo osto jaitechhe, aar tahar-i tolakar methopoth bahiya gramer chhele Potu, Nilu, Tinu, Bhola shob haat koriya firitechhe.
Etokkhone tader bone-ghera barir uthan-tate ghono chhaya poriya ashitechhe, kich kich koriya pakhi daakitechhe, sei mishto nishyobdo shanto boikaal -- sei holde pakhita aajo aashiya pachiler uporer konchir daal-tate sei rokom boshe, maayer haate pota lebucharatate hoyto etodin lebu folitechhe......
Aaro kichhukkhon pore tahader se vitaye shondhyer ondhokaar hoiya jaibe, kintu se shondhaye keho saanj jhalibe na, prodip dekhaibe na, roopkotha bolibe na. Jonohin vitar uthan-bhora kaalmegher jongole jhijhi poka daakibe, gobhir raatre pichhoner ghono bone jogdumurer gachhe lokkhipechar rob shona jaibe...keho konodin sedik maraibe na, gobhir jongole chapa-pora maayer se lebugachhtar shondhan keho konodin janibe na, or-kolmir ful futiya aapna-aapni jhoriya poribe, kul nona mithyai pakibe, holde-dana tero pakhita kandiya kandiya phiribe.
Boner dhare se opurbo mayamoy boikaalguli michhamichhi-i namibe chirodin.
Obela ek uthan loker shommukhe bina-bichare maar khaiao tahar chokh diya ek phota jol bahir hoy nai, kintu akhon nirjon ghorer janlata-te eka eka daraiya hothath se kandiya aakul hoilo, uchchhoshito chokher jol jhor-jhor koriya poriya tahar shundor kopol bhashaiya ditei chokh muchhite haat uthaiya aakul shure mone mone bolilo -- Aamader jano Nischindipur fera hoy--bhogobaan--tumi ei koro, thik jano Nischindipur jaoa hoy--noile bachbo na--paye pori tomar--
Pother debota proshonno hashiye bolen -- Murkho balok, poth to aamar shesh hoyni tomader graamer basher bone, thangare Biru Rayer bot-tolaye ki Dholchiter kheyaghater shimanaye? Tomader Shonadanga math chhariye, Ichhamoti paar hoye, podmofule bhora Modhukhali biler pash katiye, Betrobotir kheyaye pari diye, poth aamar chole galo saamne, saamne, shudhui saamne... desh chhere bidesher dike, shurjyodoy chhere shurjaster dike, janar gondi eriye oporichoyer uddeshye....
Din raatri paar hoye, jonmo moron paar hoye, maash, borsho, monnontor, mohajug paar hoye chole jaye....tomader jibon-shopno sheola-chhatar dole bhore aashe, poth aamar tokhono furoye na... chole...chole...chole... egiyei chole...
Anirban taar bina shone shudhu ananta kaal aar ananta aakash..
Se pother bichitro aanondo-jatrar odrishyo tilok tomar lolate poriyei to tomaye ghorchhara kore enechhi!...
Cholo egiye jai."
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Lord of the Rings
Finished reading the books once again. And saw the movies too. This seems to have become a habit. Every 3 months or so, I'd get this terrible urge to see the movies again. After seeing them, I'd get this terrible urge to read the books again. And after many hours of breakneck reading, when I finally finish all 4 books, I'd just have to see the movies again!
Something in this epic story of middle earth and all its fantastic tales seem to haunt me, shake me. I don't know exactly what I feel, can't find any particular word for it. J R R Tolkien was a man of immense talent. He brought a world, which doesn't exists, to life. Not only he saw it himself, he made millions others to see it. Peter Jackson's film just made it more accessible and publicised (the movies captured the spirit and tone of the books very well).
This is one of the very few stories where love plays a minor role. Courage, bravery, friendship and hope are the true heroes of this story. Its true that the story does have quite a number of love stories interwoven into it (Aragorn and Arwen being the most prominent), yet those are only substories, kept at the indices.
The sheer amount of writing J R R Tolkien did on this topic is quite amazing too. His son did many of the great edit works and compilations, but the real work was done by the master himself. The way he built layers of stories, starting from the first age, to the fourth....one just can't help but feel overwhelmed. It is unbelievable that this world did not exist...it was all made up (there are middle earth entusiats who REALLY believe that the world exists/existed. There are many strange theories supporting this, including the famous "Hollow earth" theory). I myself, knowing fully well that this is a work of fiction, sometimes can't help but feel that how wonderful it would be if this world existed. Every time I finish reading the books or finish watching the movies, I end up feeling sad. As if I want this story never to end, never to fade. There lies the magic of Lord of the Rings.
Something in this epic story of middle earth and all its fantastic tales seem to haunt me, shake me. I don't know exactly what I feel, can't find any particular word for it. J R R Tolkien was a man of immense talent. He brought a world, which doesn't exists, to life. Not only he saw it himself, he made millions others to see it. Peter Jackson's film just made it more accessible and publicised (the movies captured the spirit and tone of the books very well).
This is one of the very few stories where love plays a minor role. Courage, bravery, friendship and hope are the true heroes of this story. Its true that the story does have quite a number of love stories interwoven into it (Aragorn and Arwen being the most prominent), yet those are only substories, kept at the indices.
The sheer amount of writing J R R Tolkien did on this topic is quite amazing too. His son did many of the great edit works and compilations, but the real work was done by the master himself. The way he built layers of stories, starting from the first age, to the fourth....one just can't help but feel overwhelmed. It is unbelievable that this world did not exist...it was all made up (there are middle earth entusiats who REALLY believe that the world exists/existed. There are many strange theories supporting this, including the famous "Hollow earth" theory). I myself, knowing fully well that this is a work of fiction, sometimes can't help but feel that how wonderful it would be if this world existed. Every time I finish reading the books or finish watching the movies, I end up feeling sad. As if I want this story never to end, never to fade. There lies the magic of Lord of the Rings.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Power cut
It had been a busy day at the office. It was almost 11:30 at night when my taxi drove into my neighborhood. And immediately I realised, there was a powercut. The whole neighborhood was dark...the roads were empty. I left the taxi on the main road and started walking. I was finding it quite difficult to see where I was going, but the human body is a fantastic machine, soon I was able to see things. There was a half moon in the sky, getting covered from time to time by sparse clouds.
I reached the lake and turned left. As I walked past the lamp post with the notice "Do not dump garbage here" (which was too dark to read now) I realized how quiet the place is. There were no birds, no loud television, no car horn, not even the cry of a stray dog. And the so well known neighborhood of mine suddenly felt strange and alien. I've never seen the place like this. It was like I was in some strange and unknown country...all by myself.
I felt strange feelings rise inside me, too strange and unknown to be put into words. It was as if I was not myself any more. I was not walking on my way to home. I was suddenly Shankar, walking down the Kalahari, the numbing coldness of night dessert around me. Moonlight lighting my path. Long distance away, on the horizon I see mount Kilimanjaro. Somewhere behind me I've left the diamond cave and my friend Diego Alvarez, lying down finally, below the great Baobab, where the wind and the jungle will keep watch. Search for glory, search for fortune...at death they end.
Or maybe I was Aragorn, son of Arathorn.....Riding upon the open field of Pelennor. Anduril, the flame of the west, on my waist. The white city of Minas Tirith lies behind me. My road leads to Barad dur, passed Osgiliath and the black gate and the plain of Gorgoroth, where the great eye of Sauron never sleeps. Many a friend lies behind, many enemies. Destiny calls me forward.....yet return I shall, Arwen awaits me.
"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."
Or perhaps I was Ronald Deschain....the last Gunslinger of the world. The two revolvers with heavy ivory handles rest peacefully in my belt. Waiting to get unleashed, waiting to kill. The dark tower of my dreams, the very core of existence of the worlds, lies somewhere across the vast land of the decaying midworld. My path leads me there forever. Alone I travel. At the dark tower, the nexus of the universe, shall I find my salvation, the answer to every question. The whole world in a single rose.
My reverie broke as I came to my home. At the same moment, the power came back, flooding the world with light and the strange world vanished. Lost but not gone. It'll stay hidden under the cover of light. And every once in a while, when I least expect it, it'll come out and surround me. It'll take me out of this world of materials and misery and bring me once again to the jungles of Africa, to the forests of Lothlorien, to the rosefield under the dark tower. Once again I'll drop the pen and pick up the sword. The known world would vanish and will be replaced by the magical world of imagination.
I reached the lake and turned left. As I walked past the lamp post with the notice "Do not dump garbage here" (which was too dark to read now) I realized how quiet the place is. There were no birds, no loud television, no car horn, not even the cry of a stray dog. And the so well known neighborhood of mine suddenly felt strange and alien. I've never seen the place like this. It was like I was in some strange and unknown country...all by myself.
I felt strange feelings rise inside me, too strange and unknown to be put into words. It was as if I was not myself any more. I was not walking on my way to home. I was suddenly Shankar, walking down the Kalahari, the numbing coldness of night dessert around me. Moonlight lighting my path. Long distance away, on the horizon I see mount Kilimanjaro. Somewhere behind me I've left the diamond cave and my friend Diego Alvarez, lying down finally, below the great Baobab, where the wind and the jungle will keep watch. Search for glory, search for fortune...at death they end.
Or maybe I was Aragorn, son of Arathorn.....Riding upon the open field of Pelennor. Anduril, the flame of the west, on my waist. The white city of Minas Tirith lies behind me. My road leads to Barad dur, passed Osgiliath and the black gate and the plain of Gorgoroth, where the great eye of Sauron never sleeps. Many a friend lies behind, many enemies. Destiny calls me forward.....yet return I shall, Arwen awaits me.
"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."
Or perhaps I was Ronald Deschain....the last Gunslinger of the world. The two revolvers with heavy ivory handles rest peacefully in my belt. Waiting to get unleashed, waiting to kill. The dark tower of my dreams, the very core of existence of the worlds, lies somewhere across the vast land of the decaying midworld. My path leads me there forever. Alone I travel. At the dark tower, the nexus of the universe, shall I find my salvation, the answer to every question. The whole world in a single rose.
My reverie broke as I came to my home. At the same moment, the power came back, flooding the world with light and the strange world vanished. Lost but not gone. It'll stay hidden under the cover of light. And every once in a while, when I least expect it, it'll come out and surround me. It'll take me out of this world of materials and misery and bring me once again to the jungles of Africa, to the forests of Lothlorien, to the rosefield under the dark tower. Once again I'll drop the pen and pick up the sword. The known world would vanish and will be replaced by the magical world of imagination.
Monday, April 03, 2006
A day in the life of a software Engineer
8:00 am - Alarm goes off....shut down alarm and go back to sleep.
8:23 am - Wake up suddenly, the snooze timer of the internal alarm just went off. Also because the dog has been licking the hand.
8:24 am - Curse silently ("s*it, its morning already").
8:30 am - Check mail...just spam...damn!
9:00 am - After a brief shower, have a brief breakfast.
9:05 am - Go out...what a beautiful day! And you get to spend it fully looking at a monitor.
9:10 am - Wait for auto.
9:15 am - Wait for auto..all full.
9:20 am - Wait for auto. Curse.
9:25 am - Wrestle a sit in the auto from a elderly person ("When will the young generation learn to respect elders!?")
9:30 am - Bus stand....long queue....oh joy!
9:45 am - Lucky break! Got a sit...though its on the right side of the bus, where the sun shines throughout the journey. But still...will get to sleep.
10:21 am - Get down from bus. Office beckons.
10:24 am - Sign in.
10:30 am - Coffee break.
10:40 am - Boot up computer. Check mail. All spam....crap!
10:45 am - First compilation error of the day ("Undefined symbol")....going to be a long day.
11:00 am - Code runs successfully....Yay! Whoohooo....oh! Wait. Whats this? "Segmentation fault"?! Aaarrrgh!
11:45 am - Machine hangs! Swear. Writing device drivers are a pain in the a**.
11:46 am - Machine booting up....coffee break.
12:10 am - Put 'printk's all over the code. Need to debug.
12:30 pm - Found bug (structure pointer pointing to NULL).
1:01 pm - Where did this 'Authentication request' packet come from? Why the hell is it encrypted? This shouldn't happen....check packet dump.
1:23 pm - Can't figure out. Check mail. 3 forwarded mails....yes!! (Santa-banta jokes, Help the blood cancer patient, Ice festival pics).
1:35 pm - Enough work. Gift self lunch break.
1:40 pm - Canteen full....wait...sigh.
1:53 pm - Lunch at last. Coffee & cold sandwitch (cheese, no chicken allowed)....what fun!
2:15 pm - Back to desk. Look again at packet dump.
2:45 pm - Wake up suddenly! Sh*t! Hope no one noticed.
2:53 pm - Wake up again....damn! Go out to walk for a while.
3:00 pm - Walk around and look at girls at road.
3:10 pm - Refreshed! Look again at packet dump.....ah! Shouldn't be setting this bit to 1. Rectify.
3:16 pm - Damn! Damn! Still getting encrypted packets. Damn!
3:24 pm - Read the IEEE standard again....what's going wrong?
4:00 pm - Head spinning. So many clauses and subclauses...no useful information at all. Coffee break.
4:05 pm - Go see what the friends are doing. One reviewing design doc ("Why is this Arial narrow and not Times new roman?"), one coding ("How do you get the IP Address out of a mixed string?"), one is playing Sudoku (Smart guy!), one on phone (fishfishfishfish), one looking at router scripts (noshutdown!). Gossip for some time.
4:16 pm - PM coming...back to seat.
4:27 pm - What's wrong? What's wrong? Why encrypted? God! Give me a break!
5:30 pm - Search net for solution.....
5:47 pm - Not a single useful link. These open source stuff are really messy. No documentation.
6:03 pm - Feeling tired. Want to go home.
6:15 pm - Look blankly at code. Not even trying to understand.
6:30 pm - Coffee break.
6:48 pm - Try random things....start packet capturing....stop packet capturing.....restart machine....walk around looking busy.....check mail (nothing).... go see what the others doing (gone home mostly)...... curse.
7:15 pm - Enough! A man can only do so much and no more. Shut down machine.
7:18 pm - Slip out of office trying to be unnoticed.
7:21 pm - Auto line....looooong line.....
7:32 pm - Just 2 more autos! Come on God...give me this much at least...come on!
7:35 pm - Come on man! Just one more! Why are you putting me through this? God! You're one saddistic SOB.
7:36 pm - Auto! Sorry God about that...I take it back.
7:43 pm - Busstop looking like bookfair...so many people.
7:50 pm - Another C-16? Come on! This is absurd! Where's all the S9s?
8:05 pm - S9!! Jump in! Jump in!
8:06 pm - Can't believe couldn't get on that! Swear.
8:10 pm - Another S9!!! What a miracle! Get in!
8:23 pm - Hey! That girl looks cute! I hope I get to sit beside her.
8:24 pm - Oops! The boy next to her is her boyfriend. Looks like a baboon.
8:33 pm - Stop pushing man! Want me to go out of the window?
8:40 pm - Cute girl gone. Baboon man gone with her. This world is so unfair.
8:47 pm - Home stoppage. At last!
8:53 pm - Home...cold water...sofa....fan....dog....maa.
9:10 pm - Shower....cold.
9:30 pm - Read newspaper.
10:01 pm - SMS friend ("Hows life?").
10:02 pm - Get reply ("Crap.").
10:23 pm - Dinner.
10:51 pm - Login to internet. Fun begins....at last.
12:33 am - Fun ends.
12:37 am - Time to go to sleep, got office tomorrow. Set alarm clock for 8:00 am.
12:40 am - Turn off light. What a day! God! Give me strength to go through this again tomorrow. Can't wait to retire.
12:46 am - Goto sleep....dreaming of the cute girl.
8:23 am - Wake up suddenly, the snooze timer of the internal alarm just went off. Also because the dog has been licking the hand.
8:24 am - Curse silently ("s*it, its morning already").
8:30 am - Check mail...just spam...damn!
9:00 am - After a brief shower, have a brief breakfast.
9:05 am - Go out...what a beautiful day! And you get to spend it fully looking at a monitor.
9:10 am - Wait for auto.
9:15 am - Wait for auto..all full.
9:20 am - Wait for auto. Curse.
9:25 am - Wrestle a sit in the auto from a elderly person ("When will the young generation learn to respect elders!?")
9:30 am - Bus stand....long queue....oh joy!
9:45 am - Lucky break! Got a sit...though its on the right side of the bus, where the sun shines throughout the journey. But still...will get to sleep.
10:21 am - Get down from bus. Office beckons.
10:24 am - Sign in.
10:30 am - Coffee break.
10:40 am - Boot up computer. Check mail. All spam....crap!
10:45 am - First compilation error of the day ("Undefined symbol")....going to be a long day.
11:00 am - Code runs successfully....Yay! Whoohooo....oh! Wait. Whats this? "Segmentation fault"?! Aaarrrgh!
11:45 am - Machine hangs! Swear. Writing device drivers are a pain in the a**.
11:46 am - Machine booting up....coffee break.
12:10 am - Put 'printk's all over the code. Need to debug.
12:30 pm - Found bug (structure pointer pointing to NULL).
1:01 pm - Where did this 'Authentication request' packet come from? Why the hell is it encrypted? This shouldn't happen....check packet dump.
1:23 pm - Can't figure out. Check mail. 3 forwarded mails....yes!! (Santa-banta jokes, Help the blood cancer patient, Ice festival pics).
1:35 pm - Enough work. Gift self lunch break.
1:40 pm - Canteen full....wait...sigh.
1:53 pm - Lunch at last. Coffee & cold sandwitch (cheese, no chicken allowed)....what fun!
2:15 pm - Back to desk. Look again at packet dump.
2:45 pm - Wake up suddenly! Sh*t! Hope no one noticed.
2:53 pm - Wake up again....damn! Go out to walk for a while.
3:00 pm - Walk around and look at girls at road.
3:10 pm - Refreshed! Look again at packet dump.....ah! Shouldn't be setting this bit to 1. Rectify.
3:16 pm - Damn! Damn! Still getting encrypted packets. Damn!
3:24 pm - Read the IEEE standard again....what's going wrong?
4:00 pm - Head spinning. So many clauses and subclauses...no useful information at all. Coffee break.
4:05 pm - Go see what the friends are doing. One reviewing design doc ("Why is this Arial narrow and not Times new roman?"), one coding ("How do you get the IP Address out of a mixed string?"), one is playing Sudoku (Smart guy!), one on phone (fishfishfishfish), one looking at router scripts (noshutdown!). Gossip for some time.
4:16 pm - PM coming...back to seat.
4:27 pm - What's wrong? What's wrong? Why encrypted? God! Give me a break!
5:30 pm - Search net for solution.....
5:47 pm - Not a single useful link. These open source stuff are really messy. No documentation.
6:03 pm - Feeling tired. Want to go home.
6:15 pm - Look blankly at code. Not even trying to understand.
6:30 pm - Coffee break.
6:48 pm - Try random things....start packet capturing....stop packet capturing.....restart machine....walk around looking busy.....check mail (nothing).... go see what the others doing (gone home mostly)...... curse.
7:15 pm - Enough! A man can only do so much and no more. Shut down machine.
7:18 pm - Slip out of office trying to be unnoticed.
7:21 pm - Auto line....looooong line.....
7:32 pm - Just 2 more autos! Come on God...give me this much at least...come on!
7:35 pm - Come on man! Just one more! Why are you putting me through this? God! You're one saddistic SOB.
7:36 pm - Auto! Sorry God about that...I take it back.
7:43 pm - Busstop looking like bookfair...so many people.
7:50 pm - Another C-16? Come on! This is absurd! Where's all the S9s?
8:05 pm - S9!! Jump in! Jump in!
8:06 pm - Can't believe couldn't get on that! Swear.
8:10 pm - Another S9!!! What a miracle! Get in!
8:23 pm - Hey! That girl looks cute! I hope I get to sit beside her.
8:24 pm - Oops! The boy next to her is her boyfriend. Looks like a baboon.
8:33 pm - Stop pushing man! Want me to go out of the window?
8:40 pm - Cute girl gone. Baboon man gone with her. This world is so unfair.
8:47 pm - Home stoppage. At last!
8:53 pm - Home...cold water...sofa....fan....dog....maa.
9:10 pm - Shower....cold.
9:30 pm - Read newspaper.
10:01 pm - SMS friend ("Hows life?").
10:02 pm - Get reply ("Crap.").
10:23 pm - Dinner.
10:51 pm - Login to internet. Fun begins....at last.
12:33 am - Fun ends.
12:37 am - Time to go to sleep, got office tomorrow. Set alarm clock for 8:00 am.
12:40 am - Turn off light. What a day! God! Give me strength to go through this again tomorrow. Can't wait to retire.
12:46 am - Goto sleep....dreaming of the cute girl.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Future
Can future be predicted? Some will say yes, some will say no...some will say "Who gives a s**t?". I don't know the correct answer. What I'll try to do here is list some events which I think will come to pass ... say ...in 20 years from this day. So, this is how I think the world I know today will be 20 years down the line. If this post survives all those years, maybe we'll get a chance to see how much I got right!
- India will win the Cricket world cup, at least once!
- Genetics will be advanced enough so that we can modify ourselves the way we want. As a result a new regulatory body will be formed to monitor and control. However, as every rule has a loophole, there'll be illegal ways to get genetic modifications.
- Technology will be evolved enough to have us use holographic projections of us instead of phones. We'll be able to visit and see people and places right from our living room.
- Television will become 3D. We'll be able to experience virtual reality to its fullest extent.
- Digital effects will make the directors create their own actors and actresses, without any noticeable difference from the human actors/actresses. This will also result in digital copies of famous actors/actresses, perhaps even the ones who are dead! And ofcourse, this will lead to illegal copies of famous actors/actresses, which everyone can just download from the net and use (not always with good intention).
- Mental illness will increase. There'll be more mental patients than physically ill.
- Nanotechnology will enable us to perform miraculous tasks, from deep space exploration to curing deadly diseases.
- Mars will be conquered.
- Indian economy will surpass US.
- Cancer and AIDS will be curable. However, as always, there'll be new uncurable, deadlier diseases.
- Drinking water crisis will emerge all the the world.
- My friends will be married and settled all over the country and the world.
- Me? Well....I've been always told that I've a short lifeline.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Rules of life
Disclaimer : These are the few of the rules I myself try to follow. I learned them from experiences, readings, and people. They may be right, may be wrong. They may be right for one person, but wrong for another. Life is not simple enough to be bound by rules. And hence, the most important and 0-th rule is "There are no fixed rules".
- There are 3 types of lies- white, grey and black. White lies are not harmful. In fact, they are sometimes good. Black lies are harmful and malacious. Grey lies are something in between, not spoken with bad intent, but goes wrong somewhere and ends up hurting someone. White lies are the most favourable ones, if you must lie. But before you decide to use a white lie, stop and think for a second....can this become a grey one someway? Stay away from black ones, they always...always comes back at you.
- Don't hurt people. Neither physically, nor mentally (mental scars are sometimes more deadly than physical ones). Hurting seldom works.
- Do not expect people to treat you any differently than the way you treat them. What you give is what you get. So, if you badmouth someone behind his/her back, it's highly possible that he/she does the same about you.
- Two rules will get you far in your job - 1. Make your boss's life easier. 2. Make sure you're visible to your Boss's Boss. (thanks to my brother for this tip)
- Whenever you meet someone, try to give them something....try to make sure they need something from you (a book, a favour, anything). They'll remember you. (thanks to my brother again)
- "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best".
- Don't lose your cool, stay calm. Obvious solutions are missed when one is agitated.
- Don't let others decide your life. Its your life, learn to control it and take decisions yourself. Even if they don't work out...at least it'll not be because of someone else.
- Don't get yourself down too much if you encounter failure. Failure is part of life. You failed...so what? Everyone does. Get over it.
- Listen to your parents. They're right most of the times (but rule 8 overrides this rule in case of contradictions). Even if you feel they are not right....take some time out and think it over, make sure you're sure they're wrong.
- Friends are treasures of life. Don't lose one. Keep in touch even if you're busy.
- Learn to say 'thank you'. There are countless of things in life to be thankful for, and countless of things to be dissatisfied with. Since you never shy away from voicing your dissatisfactions, its only fair that you sometimes also appreciate the goods.
- I doesn't matter whether you believe in God or not, do not ever hurt others religious belief. If you have the right to believe/disbelieve God, the others has an equal right to disbelieve/believe God. Theres no proof supporting either.
- When times are tough and things seem to be getting nowhere...just hang on. Every night ends.
- One learns from books, from school. But one learns most by looking back at his own life. Take some time off every day/week from your schedule, when you just sit back and look back.
Some lyrics that stayed with me...
Into the west - Soundtrack from Lord of the Rings : Return of the King
==================================================
Lay down
your sweet and weary head
Night is falling,
you have come to journey's end.
Sleep now,
and dream of the ones who came before.
They are calling
from across the distant shore.
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
all of your fears will pass away,
safe in my arms
you're only sleeping.
What can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises --
The ships have come to carry you home.
Dawn will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass.
Hope fades
into the world of night
through shadows falling
out of memory and time.
Don't say,
"We have come now to the end."
White shores are calling
you and I will meet again.
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping.
What can can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises --
The ships have come to carry you home.
And all will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west.
Words and music by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore and Annie Lennox.
Performed by Annie Lennox.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
In the arms of an Angel - Soundtrack from City of angels
========================================================
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
Performed by Sarah McLachlan
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This war is over - Soundtrack from Devil's Own
==============================================
Take off my shield
Carry my sword
I won't need it anymore
Find me a sky
Give me my wings
Frozen and broken but free
Tell them I'm all right
I'm coming home
Tell them I'm all right
I am alone
This war is over
I'm coming home
Take off my shame
Bury it low
I won't need it anymore
Find me the sun
Give me it whole
Melt all the chains in my soul
Tell them I'm all right
I'm coming home
Tell them I'm all right
I am alone
This war is over
I'm coming home
Take off my pain
Carry me slow
I won't fight here anymore
Tell them I'm all right
I'm coming home
Tell them I'm all right
I am alone
This war is over
I'm coming home
Performed by Melissa Etheridge
---------------------------------------------------------------------
==================================================
Lay down
your sweet and weary head
Night is falling,
you have come to journey's end.
Sleep now,
and dream of the ones who came before.
They are calling
from across the distant shore.
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
all of your fears will pass away,
safe in my arms
you're only sleeping.
What can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises --
The ships have come to carry you home.
Dawn will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass.
Hope fades
into the world of night
through shadows falling
out of memory and time.
Don't say,
"We have come now to the end."
White shores are calling
you and I will meet again.
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping.
What can can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises --
The ships have come to carry you home.
And all will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west.
Words and music by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore and Annie Lennox.
Performed by Annie Lennox.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
In the arms of an Angel - Soundtrack from City of angels
========================================================
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
Performed by Sarah McLachlan
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This war is over - Soundtrack from Devil's Own
==============================================
Take off my shield
Carry my sword
I won't need it anymore
Find me a sky
Give me my wings
Frozen and broken but free
Tell them I'm all right
I'm coming home
Tell them I'm all right
I am alone
This war is over
I'm coming home
Take off my shame
Bury it low
I won't need it anymore
Find me the sun
Give me it whole
Melt all the chains in my soul
Tell them I'm all right
I'm coming home
Tell them I'm all right
I am alone
This war is over
I'm coming home
Take off my pain
Carry me slow
I won't fight here anymore
Tell them I'm all right
I'm coming home
Tell them I'm all right
I am alone
This war is over
I'm coming home
Performed by Melissa Etheridge
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Goppo - Bengali
I was looking through some old files in my machine and I came upon this story. I forgot all about it. It was written on an office day, while I was just not feeling like working....I wrote the story after a wonderful person I knew died. This story was dedicated to her.
The story is in Bengali. So if you don't understand Bengali....tough luck! I'll translate the story someday if I have time.
Arb Goppo
=========
Ek chhilo meye. Naam tar mone kori...nuh, naam jene dorkar nei . Chhottobela theke se chhilo shokoler adorer meye. Jamon tar mishti shobhab, tamon-i takey mishti dekhte. Tar hashi hashi mukh dekhle din bhalo katbei. Shokole takey khub-i bhalobashe. Baba-ma-para-protibeshi shokoler sneho-jotne se boro hoye uthte laglo. Erokom kore se school periye gelo...college-e bhorti holo. Tar darun buddhi chhilo, somosto pora se khub taratari shesh kore felto ebong baki somoy college-er baki somosto bondhu-bandhob-der pora toiri korte shahajyo korto. Ei kore se somosto college-er shokoler bondhu hoye uthechilo. Keu kono shomoshyaye porlei tar kachhe jaye ("Akbar-er ma-er naam ki re?" "mukhpora honuman-er scientific naam ki?" "Petkharaper kono oshudh janish?" ityadi). Se aapran cheshta kore shokolke shahajyo korte. Ei bhabe ekdin college-o shesh hoye gelo. Shesh din-e somosto professor-kormochari-chhatro-table-chair shobai chokher jol-e takey biday janalo. Seo shokolke chhere jabar jonyo khub-i dukkho peyechhilo, kintu gopone chokher jol muchhe hasi mukhe biday nilo. Jabar somoy kandte nei.
Barir lokjon eibar tar bibaher ayojon shuru korlo. Onek khoj-khobor kore obosheshe ek patro paoa gelo...computer-er business, Tollygunge-e bari, tader duto bari porei! Pothe er aagey onekbar tader dekha hoyechhilo, dujoner-i dujonke pochhondo chhilo, tai ei shombondhe keu kono apotti korlo na. Ek shubhologne tader bibaho hoye galo. Onek lok eshechhilo, almost somosto Kolkatai eshechilo. bondhu- bandhob- para- protibeshi- table-chair, shob miliye se ek darun bapar. Upohar-e upohar-e tinte ghor bhore gelo, kolapatar bonya boye gelo, matir bhar pore pore pahar hoye gelo. Shokoler hashi-aanonde shohor bhore uthlo. Shokole duihaat tule aashirbar kore galo (duitir beshi haat karur chhilo na).
Din katte laaglo. Chheleta o meyeta mile tader shukhi shongshar prochur jotne aar bhalobashaye gore tullo. Erokom kore 4 bochhor kete galo. Meyetir boyosh tokhon 25.
Onnanno diner motoi shabhbik ekti din. Rojkar motoi shokale shujji uthechhe. Tar por oboshyo kora megh korechhe. Jore brishti aschhe bojha jachche. Meyeti shokale bajar korte beriyechilo. Chheleta babshar kaaje shokal belai beriye gachhe, dupure khete phirbe, tai se thik korechhe tar priyo ranna korbe. Barite aar keu nei, tai se nijei giyechhilo bajar korte. Bajar kore auto kore se eshe thamlo Ranikuthi-te. Bhara mitiye rastaye neme se takalo aakasher dike....jhor aasche.
Tarpor ki holo tar aar mone nei...shudhu ekta jor awaj.
Aashepasher lokjon dekhlo, ekta minibus, prochondo jore brake koshlo...kintu totokhone ja hoar hoye gache. Chardik theke lokjon chhute elo. Meyeti pore chhilo ektu dure....
Bipod-e porle aajo shahajyokarir obhab hoyna aamder ei Kolkataye. Koyek minute-er modhyei jute gelo akdol lok, jogar holo taxi....nursing home. Taxi-te chokh khullo meyeta, fish fish kore ekta cellphone number bollo.... tarpor aabar chokh bondho korlo, mukhe samanyo hashi... jabar somoy kandte nei.
Er porer bar jokhon se chokh khullo, tokhon samne dekhlo ek aschorjo drishyo. Shompurno shada ekta hall-e se dariye royechhe, samne ekta tool, tate boshe aache ekta buro lok, tar gaye shada alkhalla, shada chul o dari praye pa porjonto lomba. Meyeti obak hoye tar dike takalo. Buro ektu hashlo, kichhu bollo na.
Meyeti jigesh korlo "E ki shorgo? Aapni ki bhogoban?"
Buro aabar ektu hashlo, tarpor bollo "Nah! E shorgo noy, norok-o noy. Oshob kichhu nai. Somostoi manusher mongora kolpona. Eta kebol tomar next level-e othar aage ekta chhotto landing. Ektola theke dotola othar shirir majhe jamon thake. Aar aami? Aamake bhogoban-o bolte paro, shoytan-o bolte paro, aabar na-o paro. Shob-i kolpona. Aami kebolmatro manushke ek level theke porer level-e uthte shahajyo kori."
Meyeti kichhukkhon kono kotha bollo na, tarpor bollo "Kintu aami to aaste chaini, aami aagei bhalo chhilam, ke aanlo aamake?"
Buro bollo "jani khuki tumi bhalo chile, kintu kichhu korar nai. Tomar prithibir account furiye gachhe, logout na kore upaye chhilo na."
"Renew kora jaye na?"
"Nischoi jaye, kintu aager account aar phire pabe na, shompurno notun account khulte hobe...aabar prothom theke shob shuru korte hobe. Tumi ki tai chao, naki porer level-e khelte chao?"
"Porer level?"
"Manush hishebe khela shesh, ebar tar oporer level-e ichche korle khelte paro."
"Oporer level-e ki aache?"
"Se to bolte parina bachha, ek ek joner kachhe ek ek rokom dekha daye. Manush level-eo to tai, shob manush ki aar ekirokom bhabe khele?"
Meyeti kichhukkhon bhablo, tarpor aaste aaste bollo "Khoma korben dadu, porer level-e ki aache aami jani na, kintu manush level aamar boroi pochhondo, aami promotion chaina, aamake doya kore notun account-i deben. Kintu purono account-e je aamar onek priyo lokjon aache, tader ki hobe? Tader ki aami bhule jabo?"
Buro smito heshe bollo "Tomake to aabar notun kore shuru korte hobe khuki, aager account-er shonge kono jog thakbe na, tobe jibon kondike jaye bola jaye na, aabar notun priyojon tumi khuje pabe, dukkho koro na. Purono-der shongeo hoyto ba dekha hobe konodin, onno kono bhabe. Ei niyom khuki, niyom bhangbo kikore? Chakri chole jabe to! Mone rekho khuki, tumi tader bhule geleo tara tomake bhulbe na."
Meyeti kichhukkhon chup kore matha nichu kore boshe roilo, tarpor chokh muchhe bollo "Tobe tai hok, tader dekha aar jodi nao pai konodin, tader bhalo rekho."
Buro bollo "Tobe tai hok"....
Chhelta boshe chilo mathaye haat diye nursing home-e. Ektu aage meyetar body niye gachhe post mortem korte. Accident victim, post mortem na korle upay nei. Sara jogot chheletar kachhe shunyo. Jano bhir nursing home-e se boshe nei, boshe aache kono mather modhye, botgachher tolaye. Kanna-kati korchhe na, kothao bolchhe na, shudhu chup kore boshe aache....ki bhabchhe ke jane?
Chheletar thik duto floor opor-e, Operation Theatre-e, thik sei muhurtei ekta baccha kede uthlo. Se shodyo aagoto prithibite. Doctor-er haat-e shuye tar shonge prithibir prothom porichoy ghotchhe.
Doctor pasher nurse-er dike takiye bollo "Healthy baby, meye."
The End....?
To you, Shoma didi.
The story is in Bengali. So if you don't understand Bengali....tough luck! I'll translate the story someday if I have time.
Arb Goppo
=========
Ek chhilo meye. Naam tar mone kori...nuh, naam jene dorkar nei . Chhottobela theke se chhilo shokoler adorer meye. Jamon tar mishti shobhab, tamon-i takey mishti dekhte. Tar hashi hashi mukh dekhle din bhalo katbei. Shokole takey khub-i bhalobashe. Baba-ma-para-protibeshi shokoler sneho-jotne se boro hoye uthte laglo. Erokom kore se school periye gelo...college-e bhorti holo. Tar darun buddhi chhilo, somosto pora se khub taratari shesh kore felto ebong baki somoy college-er baki somosto bondhu-bandhob-der pora toiri korte shahajyo korto. Ei kore se somosto college-er shokoler bondhu hoye uthechilo. Keu kono shomoshyaye porlei tar kachhe jaye ("Akbar-er ma-er naam ki re?" "mukhpora honuman-er scientific naam ki?" "Petkharaper kono oshudh janish?" ityadi). Se aapran cheshta kore shokolke shahajyo korte. Ei bhabe ekdin college-o shesh hoye gelo. Shesh din-e somosto professor-kormochari-chhatro-table-chair shobai chokher jol-e takey biday janalo. Seo shokolke chhere jabar jonyo khub-i dukkho peyechhilo, kintu gopone chokher jol muchhe hasi mukhe biday nilo. Jabar somoy kandte nei.
Barir lokjon eibar tar bibaher ayojon shuru korlo. Onek khoj-khobor kore obosheshe ek patro paoa gelo...computer-er business, Tollygunge-e bari, tader duto bari porei! Pothe er aagey onekbar tader dekha hoyechhilo, dujoner-i dujonke pochhondo chhilo, tai ei shombondhe keu kono apotti korlo na. Ek shubhologne tader bibaho hoye galo. Onek lok eshechhilo, almost somosto Kolkatai eshechilo. bondhu- bandhob- para- protibeshi- table-chair, shob miliye se ek darun bapar. Upohar-e upohar-e tinte ghor bhore gelo, kolapatar bonya boye gelo, matir bhar pore pore pahar hoye gelo. Shokoler hashi-aanonde shohor bhore uthlo. Shokole duihaat tule aashirbar kore galo (duitir beshi haat karur chhilo na).
Din katte laaglo. Chheleta o meyeta mile tader shukhi shongshar prochur jotne aar bhalobashaye gore tullo. Erokom kore 4 bochhor kete galo. Meyetir boyosh tokhon 25.
Onnanno diner motoi shabhbik ekti din. Rojkar motoi shokale shujji uthechhe. Tar por oboshyo kora megh korechhe. Jore brishti aschhe bojha jachche. Meyeti shokale bajar korte beriyechilo. Chheleta babshar kaaje shokal belai beriye gachhe, dupure khete phirbe, tai se thik korechhe tar priyo ranna korbe. Barite aar keu nei, tai se nijei giyechhilo bajar korte. Bajar kore auto kore se eshe thamlo Ranikuthi-te. Bhara mitiye rastaye neme se takalo aakasher dike....jhor aasche.
Tarpor ki holo tar aar mone nei...shudhu ekta jor awaj.
Aashepasher lokjon dekhlo, ekta minibus, prochondo jore brake koshlo...kintu totokhone ja hoar hoye gache. Chardik theke lokjon chhute elo. Meyeti pore chhilo ektu dure....
Bipod-e porle aajo shahajyokarir obhab hoyna aamder ei Kolkataye. Koyek minute-er modhyei jute gelo akdol lok, jogar holo taxi....nursing home. Taxi-te chokh khullo meyeta, fish fish kore ekta cellphone number bollo.... tarpor aabar chokh bondho korlo, mukhe samanyo hashi... jabar somoy kandte nei.
Er porer bar jokhon se chokh khullo, tokhon samne dekhlo ek aschorjo drishyo. Shompurno shada ekta hall-e se dariye royechhe, samne ekta tool, tate boshe aache ekta buro lok, tar gaye shada alkhalla, shada chul o dari praye pa porjonto lomba. Meyeti obak hoye tar dike takalo. Buro ektu hashlo, kichhu bollo na.
Meyeti jigesh korlo "E ki shorgo? Aapni ki bhogoban?"
Buro aabar ektu hashlo, tarpor bollo "Nah! E shorgo noy, norok-o noy. Oshob kichhu nai. Somostoi manusher mongora kolpona. Eta kebol tomar next level-e othar aage ekta chhotto landing. Ektola theke dotola othar shirir majhe jamon thake. Aar aami? Aamake bhogoban-o bolte paro, shoytan-o bolte paro, aabar na-o paro. Shob-i kolpona. Aami kebolmatro manushke ek level theke porer level-e uthte shahajyo kori."
Meyeti kichhukkhon kono kotha bollo na, tarpor bollo "Kintu aami to aaste chaini, aami aagei bhalo chhilam, ke aanlo aamake?"
Buro bollo "jani khuki tumi bhalo chile, kintu kichhu korar nai. Tomar prithibir account furiye gachhe, logout na kore upaye chhilo na."
"Renew kora jaye na?"
"Nischoi jaye, kintu aager account aar phire pabe na, shompurno notun account khulte hobe...aabar prothom theke shob shuru korte hobe. Tumi ki tai chao, naki porer level-e khelte chao?"
"Porer level?"
"Manush hishebe khela shesh, ebar tar oporer level-e ichche korle khelte paro."
"Oporer level-e ki aache?"
"Se to bolte parina bachha, ek ek joner kachhe ek ek rokom dekha daye. Manush level-eo to tai, shob manush ki aar ekirokom bhabe khele?"
Meyeti kichhukkhon bhablo, tarpor aaste aaste bollo "Khoma korben dadu, porer level-e ki aache aami jani na, kintu manush level aamar boroi pochhondo, aami promotion chaina, aamake doya kore notun account-i deben. Kintu purono account-e je aamar onek priyo lokjon aache, tader ki hobe? Tader ki aami bhule jabo?"
Buro smito heshe bollo "Tomake to aabar notun kore shuru korte hobe khuki, aager account-er shonge kono jog thakbe na, tobe jibon kondike jaye bola jaye na, aabar notun priyojon tumi khuje pabe, dukkho koro na. Purono-der shongeo hoyto ba dekha hobe konodin, onno kono bhabe. Ei niyom khuki, niyom bhangbo kikore? Chakri chole jabe to! Mone rekho khuki, tumi tader bhule geleo tara tomake bhulbe na."
Meyeti kichhukkhon chup kore matha nichu kore boshe roilo, tarpor chokh muchhe bollo "Tobe tai hok, tader dekha aar jodi nao pai konodin, tader bhalo rekho."
Buro bollo "Tobe tai hok"....
Chhelta boshe chilo mathaye haat diye nursing home-e. Ektu aage meyetar body niye gachhe post mortem korte. Accident victim, post mortem na korle upay nei. Sara jogot chheletar kachhe shunyo. Jano bhir nursing home-e se boshe nei, boshe aache kono mather modhye, botgachher tolaye. Kanna-kati korchhe na, kothao bolchhe na, shudhu chup kore boshe aache....ki bhabchhe ke jane?
Chheletar thik duto floor opor-e, Operation Theatre-e, thik sei muhurtei ekta baccha kede uthlo. Se shodyo aagoto prithibite. Doctor-er haat-e shuye tar shonge prithibir prothom porichoy ghotchhe.
Doctor pasher nurse-er dike takiye bollo "Healthy baby, meye."
The End....?
To you, Shoma didi.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Senseless blabbering
Not a worry in the world. Complete freedom from material thoughts and responsibilities. No one to care for, no one to satisfy. No expectations, no heartbreaks, no complications, no unfulfilled dreams, no dreams. Never have to do something if not feel like it.
Why can't life be like that? Life was once a straight line.....when the hell did it become such a complicated mess of curves? Contradicting and criss-crossing each other.
How many days has it been since I've slept peacefully? How many days will I have to go on still? I'm 26 and I'm already tired. I want a bed under a starry sky and I want to sleep....sleep without worry. No care...no fear...no alarm clock....
Sometimes I lay awake on my bed at night, looking at the dark ceiling and try to remember the highlights of my life. And after a while, it suddenly hits me....I have NO highlights! Covered more than 1/3rd of an average persons life, and yet to do anything worth remembering! I'm doing something terrible wrong with my life....now what was it I was put on the Earth to do?
I remember I promised myself I'd become a globetrotter when I grow up. I'd travel all around the world, hitchhiking....walking....working my way through. And look what I"ve become! How ironical can it be that a boy who once wanted to travel the world now sits in an air tight glass building from morning to night! I would laugh if it was not so sick!
Why can't life be like that? Life was once a straight line.....when the hell did it become such a complicated mess of curves? Contradicting and criss-crossing each other.
How many days has it been since I've slept peacefully? How many days will I have to go on still? I'm 26 and I'm already tired. I want a bed under a starry sky and I want to sleep....sleep without worry. No care...no fear...no alarm clock....
Sometimes I lay awake on my bed at night, looking at the dark ceiling and try to remember the highlights of my life. And after a while, it suddenly hits me....I have NO highlights! Covered more than 1/3rd of an average persons life, and yet to do anything worth remembering! I'm doing something terrible wrong with my life....now what was it I was put on the Earth to do?
I remember I promised myself I'd become a globetrotter when I grow up. I'd travel all around the world, hitchhiking....walking....working my way through. And look what I"ve become! How ironical can it be that a boy who once wanted to travel the world now sits in an air tight glass building from morning to night! I would laugh if it was not so sick!
The dark has its music
This piece of writing is not mine. I found it a long time ago in a website. I found the writing very haunting. Thats why I'm posting this here for you to enjoy. Kudos to the writer.
The dark has wings.
The dark has its music
Sayantan Dasgupta
Sayantan Dasgupta
The dark has wings.
The dark has its music.
The dark has its pain.
The dark has its own bright, flickering smells, its own phantom whims.
Its own haunting echoes, its own tortured, deep-sea sighs.
The dark has its own ghosts which haunt it from dusk to dawn and back to dusk again.
So I was told by an old man long ago.
That man has since been swallowed up by the dark. But I still remember the night he told me that if one really tried, one could actually hear the sound of the earth go round and round on its axis. It was difficult, but not impossible. It was easier during his times, he said, for there was less noise. But, if I listened, really really listened late on silent nights, I would be able to hear the sound, too. It would begin as the slightest hint of a muffled ghrrrrrr-ghrrr, and as you concentrated and shut out the rest of the world -- the faint strains of the All India Radio goodnight anthem from some distant shack, the happy cicadas, even the sound of your own breathing -- it would gradually build up to a crescendo until you would be scared that you might be thrown off the earth, it was moving so violently.
"It’s just like the sound of a gorur gaari. But you’re a city boy; you wouldn’t know what that sound is like", he said with a short laugh.
That summer holiday, I did discover what that sound was like. As I lay on the bench in the garden and looked up at the onyx sky, the dark came and held my hand; it became my friend. And I heard the earth moving on its rusty wheels....
It’s been a long time since then, and I have stopped listening for that sound. But there are other songs, other smells and other secrets the dark whispers to me today.
When there’s a power cut in your neighbourhood next time, don’t grumble. Don’t even fumble about for the candles. Wander on to the tiny verandah of your first floor flat. Peer into the dark. The festive song of the jheejhi will be punctuated by an occasional flutter somewhere in the kadam tree as Mama Crow tries to convince Baby Crow that the gooey monsters were just part of its nightmare.
There’ll be a flicker somewhere ahead of you; it’ll vanish before you can recognise it. It’ll slip away like memories of a long-lost love. You’ll only feel the warmth of a glowing cigarette stub as it swings and sways its way into oblivion. And then, even that will disappear, leaving a widowed, bald darkness.
You’ll think you hear the creak of a bedspring somewhere above you, and you’ll hear something landing with a soft thud into the unkempt bushes below you. And you’ll swear you hear a creaky groan as the whitewashed walls ooze fatigue and the tired building settles ever so slightly deeper into the sheltering earth.
The cool breeze will bring with it snatches of a few whispered words of love -- disjointed, disembodied like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Perhaps they were urgent words of love uttered on a ramshackle bench in some dark corner of the park, perhaps they were lazy, caressing words of love, savouring a moment of togetherness that would not last, trying to make sure the moment would not be forgotten when the day dawned. Perhaps they were well-rehearsed words of love, uttered once more into the trusting dark. Or, perhaps, they weren’t words of love at all -- perhaps it was just the day’s last tramcar trundling by on its aluminium tracks somewhere in the distance. You can’t be sure -- there are some secrets the dark won’t want to share with you...
A rude, loud voice will break into your reverie, showering abuse on a name too slurred to be identified. The acrid smell of betrayal will hang heavy in the air. The wounded, shredded dark, split wide open, will cry for justice. The sobs will die down only when the frogs comfort the dark with their unstinting, ancient lullaby.
Just about now, you may hear a sweet voice half-way through "Ogo dukhojaganiya ... tomay gaan shonabo...tai to aamay jagiye rakho..." She’ll fumble over a word here, drift out of tune there, but she’ll go ahead, singing just for the pleasure of singing to the dark, crooning for the pleasure of serenading the dark, without worrying about who’s listening and what mistakes she’s making.
There are more secrets the dark has to share with you. More than you can imagine. Many more than I can tell you about. Go ahead and give it a listen. You won’t regret it!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Just another day...
I woke up today and the first news I heard was that one of my cousin's wife died yesterday in a road accident. Not a very good way to start the day. I was not very close to her, but she was a very nice person. There are so many evil people around us, then why does the shit happens to the nice people?
God indeed works in myterious ways. I think God should maintain a rating system. When he has to take a life he'll just consult the table "Hmmmm....this guy X got 8.7 out of 10 in the nice factor, while this person Y has only 1.23, so lets bring in Y, fax his CV to devil, he'll do the rest". Anyway, I guess what is supposed to happen, will happen. Nothing can be done about it. This day will end just like any other day, and a new one will come tommorow.
I hope tommorrow will be better.
God indeed works in myterious ways. I think God should maintain a rating system. When he has to take a life he'll just consult the table "Hmmmm....this guy X got 8.7 out of 10 in the nice factor, while this person Y has only 1.23, so lets bring in Y, fax his CV to devil, he'll do the rest". Anyway, I guess what is supposed to happen, will happen. Nothing can be done about it. This day will end just like any other day, and a new one will come tommorow.
I hope tommorrow will be better.
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