The busy week came to an end. Not the best week I've faced, but not the worst either. I guess I can't really complain, mostly because there's no one to complain to. The day ended with promise of worse days in near future....had seven more days till deadline, I was nowhere near completion of my project. I think they call it 'deadline' on purpose, cross the line, and you wish you were dead.
Saturday came finally. People everywhere felt relief from work, a short one, but a welcomed one nevertheless. For two short days they get to forget the pressure, the work, and concentrate on relaxing.
Not me.
As I opened my eyes on the Saturday morning, I immediately remembered that I have to go to office today too.
The only good news was that the day looked cloudy and the scorching sun was missing. At least I would not have to sweat like a pig when I go to office. But at that point I didn't realize that it was just the beginning of the storm.....literally!
Things were moving pretty smoothly from morning...Got the bus without waiting too much, got a seat without waiting too much. The weather was cloudy, the wind was strong, smell of rain drifting in from the open window. It started just after crossing Ruby. The sky was dark to begin with, now it became black. The wind became erratic. Every now and then there were flashes of lightning across the sky. The rain started slowly...big, fat rain. It grew in an exponential curve. Within minutes every window of the bus were closed shut, the rain rattled against them.
Reminded me of a similar day when I was trapped behind a glass cage and could only watch.
When the bus reached my stop, it was raining cats and dogs, water clogged here and there, people standing crowded under shades, umbrella over a lucky few, nothing but the disintegrating sky over the unlucky rest.
I hurriedly took out my umbrella and descended into the water curtain. I was going to open the umbrella when suddenly a strange feeling of rebellion woke somewhere deep inside. I remained at the spot, transfixed, the unopened umbrella in my hand. The initial panic of the thought of getting drenched subsided. A calmness took over. Its hard to explain. Its as if my soul has two distinct parts. One is a lower one, it panics on face of trouble, it cringes in front of fear, it becomes cautious facing unknown. It tries to flee, it tries to hide, it tries to avoid whenever it detects trouble. It is the part of the soul that drives the body, its the part of soul that almost always plays a major part in my life. However, there is another part...a higher one, one which is calmer, stronger, courageous, more powerful. It just sits still and watches over the lower soul. It only steps up when it feels like, when it thinks that the lower part is not going to handle the situation. It wakes up inside without alarm, without notifying, and it just takes complete control, in an instant. The lower soul just disappers in front of it. I don't know what exactly wakes it up, maybe I'll never know. But I've felt its sudden presence before many times, in hard times, I'm sure I'll feel it again in future. This moment was one such awakening.
I no longer cared about the rain, I didn't care whether my mobile will short circuit, I didn't care whether I'll catch cold, I didn't care whether my books will get wet. I just didn't care anymore. I was not me anymore.
I walked through the rain, drenched from head to toe, still holding the unopened umbrella in my hand. I know that getting drenched in rain is not exactly a very big deal, but somehow that small act of rebellion against nature made me feel liberated. Free.
I was no longer a manequin in the hand of fources I can't control, I was suddenly a living thing with its own mind. I can do whatever I choose. I can brake rules, I can disapprove conventions, I can look up into the oncoming thunder and say "F*ck you!".
Finally.
The rain was still falling very heavily, but it was no longer dancing all around me in victory, it was just falling apart, defeated. With all its might, with all its lightnings, with all its thunder, will all its shouts, it couldn't make me run.
Revenge was mine.
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